Normally, this time of year is when Manchester City have turned into a caffeinated Godzilla after stubbing his toe and laying waste to everyone in front of them as they leave the rest of the Premier League table behind. This time, about the only thing that looks similar is the stubbed toe part.
City are right in the middle of the Saturday night on payday weekend in Muskogee that is the brawl for the top five and next year’s Champions League. They won’t be thrilled that after losing to another competitor in Nottingham Forest last week and watching the distance widen to them, they’ll be facing the hottest team in the league that can leap over them with a win.
That would be Brighton, who have won their last six in all competitions, and have a real opportunity to start getting an ass-groove molded into the sofa of the top five with a seventh on Saturday. Should Brighton get all three points, they’ll go above City and Newcastle into 5th, level on points with Chelsea, who aren’t guaranteed anything from their game with Arsenal on Sunday.
More than that, after Saturday, Brighton’s fixture list finishes out with a raft of games against teams who won’t have much to play for. Palace, Leicester, Brentford, West Ham, Wolves, Liverpool, and Tottenham are all left, and all of them are either safe from relegation without a chance of getting into Europe, are or will be basically relegated, focused on other competitions, or will have the title clinched and showing up with questionable sobriety. Only games with Villa and Newcastle are six-pointers in the chase for the top five, and Brighton have both of those at home. A win Saturday, and it’s not hard to map out Brighton getting to 65-70 points, which should just about do it.
The rest of the slate:
Everton vs. West Ham (Saturday, 11 a.m. EST)
The David Moyes Derby, as it were. it’s easy to say that West Ham haven’t recovered from Moyes leaving after last season. Except they were this crap with Moyes a couple times. Everton are slightly less crap with him. “Slightly less crap” is dreamland for Everton after what they’ve been through.
Ipswich vs. Nottingham Forest (Saturday, 11 a.m. EST)
Forest will be looking to solidify their win over City last week with the chaser of beating Ipswich. This will put Forest in the strange place of having more of the ball, which is not something they want. Or Ipswich will be in that place, which isn’t really what they want either. Maybe it’ll look like that Monty Python sketch with all the philosophers wandering around while the ball remains unmolested.
Southampton vs. Wolves (Saturday, 11 a.m. EST)
This might be Southampton’s best chance to avoid Derby’s record low of 11 points for a season. They do have Leicester still left on the slate, but that’s away from home. Wolves aren’t quite officially, totally safe and may feel this is their best chance to secure that (six points up on Ipswich). Ah, the whiff of desperation! Makes you feel alive, doesn’t it?
Bournemouth vs. Brentford (Saturday, 1:30 p.m. EST)
Brentford’s transformation into Bizarro Brentford is basically complete, as they’re now a force away from home (won their last four away games) while being pants at home (winless in their last eight). Which was the complete reverse of the first half of the season. The Cherries are having a bit of a wobble, winless in their last four in all competitions (they went through on penalties in the FA Cup), while in the back half of the Champions League race. They watched their keeper just chuck away two points against Spurs, but that’s what you sign up for by keeping Kepa anywhere near your team.
Arsenal vs. Chelsea (Sunday, 9:30 a.m. EST)
This is a weird one. Arsenal are clearly focused on the Champions League and trying to figure out what potions and charms they’ll need to combat Real Madrid’s devil magic. But that’s a couple weeks off, and it’s still a London derby. Chelsea currently hold fourth, but the feeling isn’t exactly jubilant around Stamford Bridge. Their last four wins in the league are against Leicester, Southampton, West Ham, and Wolves, while getting domed by Villa, Brighton, and City. No one’s quite sure what they are, but they certainly need this one more than Arsenal do. The Gunners still have no strikers, but with the international break after this, maybe they’ll see a long break for everyone left that matters and leave them all out?
Fulham vs. Spurs (Sunday, 9:30 a.m. EST)
Fulham could do with a team or two winning a European trophy, lowering the places that will qualify for Europe next season closer to them. They’ll get Sasa Lukic back for this one, and he’s the main engine. Spurs will be either buoyant after overcoming AZ in the Europa League before this or in such an emo funk after not doing so and having to come to terms with what their season has been that no amount of Death Cab records will save them.
Leicester vs. Manchester United (Sunday, 3 p.m. EST)
Haven’t these teams played 12 times already?
